This One’s For You

Hey guys! “Sorry” I went MIA for a few weeks! I put sorry in quotes because I’m not really sorry… I needed a break and time to myself – but I did miss you guys a lot! This past month I have been going through a lot and stopped writing in my usual style. These past few weeks, I have been exploring poetry… I’m also not 100% sure if I can call it poetry because none of it rhymes and I’m not sure if it’s any good. There is no rhyme or reason to this post… just wanted to share some of my writings and recent emotions. Maybe you can relate to these writings, maybe you’ll think I’m crazy – lol! Enjoy the inner workings of my brain!


 

That you that I once knew

Blurred into that you that I never knew

 


I didn’t meet you by fate

The universe had no control over our paths

We aren’t anyone’s favorite couple

We recognize those subtle comments and just look at one another and shrug

We recognize the lack of love you and I have received after so many years

Fuck that //

The purest elements of our love

you and I

Is that we don’t owe it to the

Universe

Stars

Astrology

Or anyone else

Our love is genuine not because of who supports it

This love is natural

It has always just been the two of us

Against the world, sun, moon, stars, and humanity

I love you

 


 

Hands on a clock rotate

How the earth rotates around the sun //

Time is cold

We are all running out of time

Hands on the clock

uninterrupted

Hands on the clock

measure the time that has past

Hands on the clock

measure the time we have left

The sun is gentle on our souls

The warmth dispensed by the sun

Halts time just long enough

to kiss my skin

to forget that I am running out of time

The sun’s warmth provides me with hope

The hope that I so desperately need to

forget that we are running out of time.

 


 

You may not see the sun

But just because you can’t see it

Doesn’t mean it has stopped shinning

Be more like the sun

 


 

There are two things that are permanent in life //

Time and Death

Everything in-between those two dimensions is

provisional

 


 

Your silence slices deeper

Deeper than that razor blade against my

pale cold arms

Your lack of actions screams louder than the words you could have said

My skin crawls

The chemicals in my body seek

Acceptance

Inclusion

Purpose

Love

But my skin crawls from feeling

Rejected

Worthless

Forgotten

Inferior

Invisible

Lower than dirt

The dirt beneath your sneakers

Sneakers you wear to your exclusive club


 

Why do we see inclusion

from those who exclude us

The desire for inclusion can be so toxic

We search for inclusion far and wide

Well aware of the pain caused by the desire to be accepted

I place my hand on the stove

I retract

I place my hand on the stove again

I retract again

I place my blistered hand on the stove again

But I don’t retract my hand

My nerve endings are burned off

I place my hand on the stove in search of inclusion

Again

Again

Again

Again

Again

But now I am numb from repeating toxic actions

There is nothing left to burn

But I still seek your acceptance

 


 

All I want is to be loved

A genuine

An equal

reciprocated love for one another// From those

I have broken my walls down for

Those walls that I have strategically built so high to protect myself

from those who have hurt me //

I feel like a fool for letting you past those walls

I feel like a fool for valuing relationships with those who

Time and time and time and time and time and time again

Have paraded the fact that the way do not value our relationship to the extent that

I do

I feel like a fool

To have allowed you access into my safe place past the towering brick wall

To have shared the trauma I have endured to ensure you don’t feel

Alone

Because I know what it feels like to be alone

I felt it then and I feel it now

But how foolish of me

to have thought for a second that you cared about me the way I care about you.


 

 

If you have made it this far, thank you so much for taking the time to read this. Be sure to subscribe to my blog! Xoxo

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